#94 | changes

First post after 5 months of not writing.

and I still managed to procrastinate. 

Today's entry; Changes.

My life has been going through a lot of changes recently and I'm still adjusting. 

1. new apartment

the whole moving and renovation process took about a month - managed to clear out my bedroom and study. I threw away bags of stuff I no longer use or lost interest in. some of which were spoilt but I still kept it since I couldn't bear to throw it away :))) But now, I have to because the new apartment is much smaller so I don't have the extra space to keep my spoilt stuff. 

after 17 years, I moved to a new apartment. it's been a month since I moved in & I'm still adjusting to the new environment. spoiler: I still haven't adjusted. it was hard to fall asleep at night initially but it's getting easier now; probably because I'm just dead tired after work (who cares? at least I'm falling asleep after lying down on my bed) 

still adjusting to this apartment and the neighborhood so I'll update again in a few months? 

2. new job

I started working full-time after graduating! Started work the day after my graduation ceremony because I was bored at home. plus, traveling for leisure is still not allowed due to covid and I was bored of being stuck at home with nothing to do. Might as well start working and earning money so I can travel without any worries after borders open~ 

It's been a month since I started work and, so far so good! I'm getting along with most of my colleagues and they're all very friendly and helpful! They offered to show me around the workplace & guided me during my first week since I was unfamiliar with the work environment and how things work. 

It felt like I'm on an internship initially because I'm didn't do much, usually just observing, helping out here and there. But, after 3 months of working there, I feel like I'm actually working - Lessons to edit & implement, evaluations to do, materials to prepare, portfolios to complete, deadlines to meet. Compared to my past internships, I had way more responsibilities on my shoulders. 

3. realisation

Working in this company for the past 3 months has made me realized something. I was unfairly treated at my internship company. Both my intern partner and I were overworked, we were kinda "abused" in a way. For starters, we were only interns at the centre. But, we were given some of the roles and responsibilities of the actual teachers. As interns, we are not allowed to be alone with the class at any point in time. However, my mentor just threw my intern partner into one class by herself and left for early lunch. 

Secondly, we were supposed to meet up with our mentor to discuss our progress thus far. This never happened. The only times we met up with our mentor, was in our first week - she shared about the company to us, and before Deepavali - she wanted us to plan the centre's celebration. After those 2 meetings, our mentor never arranged any meetings with us anymore as she was "busy" with her own work and couldn't find time to meet with us. As a mentor, she was also supposed to guide us with lesson planning and observe us implementing the lessons. However, she NEVER did that at all. She only observed us during the mid and final evaluations. No constructive feedback or comment was given. Even if she did give any, it was very generic, nothing useful at all.

During lunch, despite it being an hour (on paper), we were given at most 40 minutes of lunch. (We had to buy food outside during lunch hour, return to the centre and finish our food in 40 minutes) If I was an intern at a kindergarten, I completely understand 40 minutes. But, I was an intern at a childcare centre. The teacher's lunchtime was during the children's nap time. I don't see why I need to finish my lunch within 40 minutes??? The teachers there were still eating and on their phones 30 minutes before children woke up.  

HR called me up and told me I was offered a position at the internship company as an official teacher. I contemplated for a bit because they never told me where my work location was going to be; only told me that the max traveling time would be 1 hour with up to 2 changes in transportation. Plus, my internship centre needed more teachers and I feared going back there because if I were to work there, it'll be hell for 2 more years - waking up early, taking kinds of transportation and then, working with people like that. I rejected the offer despite the good pay because my mental health > money. 

4. end

The 6 months internship made me regret choosing this career path. But everything good now! I have caring, friendly colleagues who guide me along instead of expecting me to know everything, a responsible mentor and a really cute bunch of children who listen to me (most of the time). I hope the good stays for a long time. 

As of now, my main priority is to adjust fully to my new environments, complete my two-year bond and earn money. Once these goals are met, I'll decide on what I want to do in life again. I'm really hoping for borders to open up soon. I want to forget all my worries and let go for a while in another country.