You did well, You've worked hard.

Jonghyun-ah, You did well. You've worked hard. 

No more sleepless nights anymore. 

7 years ago, I never thought I would love your group so damn much.

7 years later, because of your group, I've transformed into a different person. 

A happier person. 

All thanks to you and your 4 other brothers. 

I remember when I first found out about all 5 of you. 

It was through the show - Hello Baby.

You were the one I disliked the most. 

But as months passed, I started liking you more. 

Eventually, you became my favorite one.  

As years passed, I saw your achievements. 

And I was really proud of it, 

Solo albums, Solo concerts & the amount of self-written songs.

No words could describe how proud I was, to be your fan. 

But on the 18th December in 2017, I got the biggest shock of my life. 

I saw notifications on my phone saying that you've committed suicide.

I couldn't believe what I was reading and thought it was just a joke played by fans. 

I always knew you had depression but, 

I honestly never thought I would see the words 

RIP & Jonghyun so soon. 

This is too soon. 

The last message you left for everyone who loves and adore you. 

(missed out part 1. sorry!) 

I was scrolling through twitter after I saw the news of you committing suicide. 

There were people who said that you're already dead. 

While some others chose to lie and say that you're actually at the hospital and

that the doctors are trying to revive you. 

I was confused as to who I should believe. 

In the end, I chose to believe the people who were lying. 

I prayed. 

Prayed for you to be revived. 

Prayed for the doctors to revive you. 

But, my prayers did not work. 

Because the next time I refreshed my timeline, 

you were pronounced dead. 

I always thought you were getting better but I was wrong. 

Honestly, I feel guilty for not loving you more as the years went by. 

The period I love you most was from 2012 to 2015. 

In 2011, you weren't my favorite yet.

In 2016 and 2017, I hardly see you anymore. 

It was as though you were on hiatus. 

Plus, I was busy with assignments, exams, and internship. 

So I hardly kept myself updated. 

I still love you the last 2 years 

but it wasn't as much compared to when I first knew you.

The love grew smaller. 

And because there weren't many updates on you anymore, 

it felt like we grew apart. 

When I saw photos from the funeral the next day, 

I asked myself this

"Am I dreaming?" 

"Will I be okay?" 

"Can I accept this?"

Until now, I have no idea whether I'm okay. 

Maybe it's because I haven't seen you in real life. 

So to me, you were always pictures and videos. 

I guess, as long as I keep hearing your voice and

seeing pictures of you, I'll be okay. 

Thanks to you, I learned tons of stuff in the past 6 years. 

Especially how to love myself more. 

How to appreciate the people around me.

How to be grateful and that I should cry whenever I feel sad. 

The most important thing I learned is that I should never hide my feelings. 

But did you know? 

When it was announced that you were gone, 

I didn't know what to feel. 

I couldn't even hide my feelings even though I wanted to. 

All I said was "I'm okay" or "I don't know" 

to anyone who asked.

No tears left my eyes when I first read that you've passed. 

The tears only came on the 3rd day when my parents' asked if I was okay. 

That moment, tears streamed down my cheeks. 

I finally realized that you were no longer in this world. 

That night, before I slept, 

I thought to myself. 

I told myself that only God knew how much pain you had. 

Only God knew how much you were suffering, 

how much you were going through. 

And that's when God decided that it was time to end your pain.

He took you away from this world so 

you wouldn't have to suffer or be in pain anymore. 

I prayed for you to go up to Heaven. 

I prayed for the pain inside of me to go away.

I prayed for you to watch over me.

I prayed for the other 4 to be better soon.

I prayed for the people you loved to feel better.

I prayed for all of us to move on from this soon. 

1 month later, on 18th January 2018, I had my 2nd assessment. 

And this was an important assessment because

if I failed this one, I would have to re-do the whole thing again. 

The assessment went well.

So I want to thank you, for watching over me. 

For keeping me calm throughout. 

Thank You. 

A few days after your death monthsary, 

news of your final album came out. 

The first M/V was released today while I was at work. 

Right after work, I went onto Youtube to watch it. 

I was happy to see you again, after a long time. 

I pre-ordered the album just yesterday. 

Now, I'm contemplating whether to order Story.Op 2 

since it's the only album of yours I'm lacking to complete my collection. 

Enough talking about me. 

Back to you. 

How is the air up there, in Heaven? 

You're finally taller than Minho. ㅋㅋㅋ

On the last day of your funeral, a pearl aqua moon showed up. 

I wonder if it was you telling us that you're already up in Heaven... 

"The loneliest people are the kindest, the saddest people smile 

the brightest, the most damaged people are the wisest, just 

because they do not wish to see anyone suffer the way they did." 

Jonghyun-ah. 

Even though it was kinda unexpected and too soon, 

I hope you don't feel pain anymore. 

I hope you're happier. 

Don't worry about me or your fans in general.

You've kept us happy for so long. 

It is your turn to be happy now. 

I promise you, I'll be with the other 4 until the end. 

Because 

forever and always 5. 

4 boys and 1 angel. 

You'll continue to watch over them, won't you? 

I know you will. 

You've had a hard time, You've been through a lot. 

But, you've worked hard, you are good enough. 

You'll always be more than good enough. 

Thank You. 

I'll always love you and SHINee.

I promise to support them until the end. 

No more insomniac nights. 

Goodnight for a long time Jonghyun-ah. 

Sweet dreams 💖