#73 | Feelings? Emotions?
Today marks the beginning of the
4th week ever since poly started.
I survived orientation and it wasn't too bad.
No running around campus etc.
It wasn't what I expected it to be so that's a relief.
As usual, for this post, some updates.
I'll be sharing about how my poly life is like
and some other issues I'm facing at the moment.
Remember to click on "Read more" to continue reading.
To start off, I'm going to talk about how orientation went. On the first day, we had played some ice-breaker games to find out more about each other. We got to experience what being a cleaner is like, their daily tasks etc. followed by a talk session on the second day. Finally, on the last day, we had talks and even more games.
Basically, this orientation was better than what I expected. Not much physical activities and more talks. Plus, I was in the same group as some of the people I know so it wasn't too bad after all.
About poly life so far... It's the same as what I expected before the start. Assignments coming in one after another, rushing to lectures, tutorials because the venues are too damn far apart from one another. Being breathless and all sweaty early in the morning because the amount of walking to the lecture hall/tutorial class is just horrible.
I'm learning to adapt to this new environment because previously, I only had classes at 2 places. It was either the lab/ one of the classrooms above the lab. But now, I have to walk to the other side of campus for classes.
As for the assignment deadlines, I guess I'm used to it? Since it's rather similar to what I faced previously before entering into poly. But for my newly made friends, I feel it's harder for them to cope since they're not used to it yet and need help with the page settings etc.
Yes, I made new friends and I'm proud of myself.
What happened was, the entire class was going for a trip to somewhere and while waiting for the bus, some of the girls who sat beside me started a conversation with me. Somehow, the both of us clicked. But we didn't talk much during the trip. It was only after the trip when I decided to go for lunch with them that I began talking and interacting with them more, laughing and making jokes among each other.
No regrets eating out with them.
Before that, I actually asked my initial group of friends whether they wanted to go out to the mall nearby to eat instead but they rejected my offer. So I just went with my current group of friends. We made a din at the cafe, laughing and making fun of each other. I'm surprised no one chased us out tbh.
So yeah, that's the story about my poly life and new friends. Moving on, the main reason why I decided to upload a post today even though I have deadlines to meet.
feelings and emotions currently.
Tomorrow was supposed to be a happy event for me because it's the school's graduation day. But, after all that drama in the past 9 months, I've decided not to attend the event tomorrow.
Tons of stuff has happened in the past 9 months such as me being accused of not doing work & slacking off, my "friends" telling each other I've been talking about them behind their backs etc.
Yes. I talked about my friends behind their backs. I admit it. But they will never admit that they did it too. I wouldn't call it gossiping/talking behind their backs. Instead, it was more of me asking the others about their opinions on what I shared with them. I never straight-up said anything like "I think she cheated during the exam". What I said was "Do you think she cheated?" and then told them some of the reasons on why I thought that way.
But then, they decided to twist my words and erase the fact that they also talked bad about the other. They straight-up told the other that I was gossiping about them behind their backs. And also, blamed me for breaking up the clique when they themselves also wanted the person to leave the clique because they betrayed the clique etc.
They left me out of the group entirely, not talking to me, not even wanting to see my face in school. Which is why I was so happy when internship started because it meant that I did not have to see their faces for 6 months. The internship was truly the happiest moment for me.
Actually, I don't think my lecturer cares about my presence tomorrow either tbh. I messaged her saying that I might not be able to come and all she said was "take medication and rest well." and when I asked whether I could meet up with her another time, she replied with "sure." Well, I'm sure if it was her favourite student asking, she would send a reply with emojis and lots of symbols.
My lecturer and classmates are also the reason why I don't feel like attending graduation tomorrow. I'm sure no one will notice my absence and they probably won't even care that I'm not there either... so might as well attend my tutorials and not miss a single thing instead of attending this event even though it's rather important.
That's just how I see this issue currently. The whole drama has affected me so much that I no longer want to see the people involved in it anymore. I just want them out of my life. I also do not wish to see the biased lecturer.
So yeah. Gotta go back to editing my assignments.
Till the next post, I guess.
- 토끼 🐰
